Sleepless nights, tossing and turning…Why me? Why wasn’t I more careful? Should be happy but this isn’t the way she envisioned it would be…no husband, no home, no white picket fences or dream wedding for her. Oh Lord she prays what I shall do. This is against everything she believes and His plans for her. She prays the Lord forgiveness and makes the hardest decision of her life and decides to take the high road. This is the longest walk of her life. She drives passes religious zealots and their picket signs. Head crouched and praying she doesn’t run into anyone that knows. As she walks in the building she sees everyone dressed the same loose fitting clothes and comfortable shoes. Some with mothers, boyfriends, friends, husbands while others are alone. Girls of all races different ages and stages. Herded in like cattle to do the inevitable. She watches their faces and imagines what each could be thinking. Nervousness, indecisive, denial, pain, silent tears, while others seem like old pros as they discuss what will be done. Many reasons for this decision, too young, rape, one night stand, family shame , too many kid , too old still doesn’t make this walk any easier …. As the nurse explains in detail everything that is too be, she nods as if she understands but actually her mind is raising to the beginning of what got her hear in the first place. Also to the end of when this walk will be over and life will be back to normal. Will God forgive her? Will God punish her? She comes back to reality to answer yes to everything the nurse has said. She’s directed in another room to wait with the others. The final stage before she does the inevitable. Should I change my mind, it’s not too late. After all you won’t be the first or the last to be in this situation. Many women young and old do it alone. But the more she thinks about daycare, diapers, sleepless nights, income, shame she says there’s no way she can do this alone. So she swallows the pill and asks for extra anesthesia. She hopes this will take her all the pain turmoil and memories of this moment away and that she will wake up to find this was just a dream. She’s awakened out of her drowsy state to her name being called. This is it no turning back as she staggers with the nurse to do the in evitable. She forces herself to relax so the meds will take her out. But its seems like God wants her awake to endure and witness the inevitable. What’s supposed to be 5 minutes seems like eternity. Her senses are heightened as she hears the humming sounds of medical instruments, doctors and nurses voices, smells of hospital cleansers, all the while looking at a colorful mobile hanging above her head..isn’t that ironic she thinks. Just as she begins to ponder her decision, the nurse says all done. As she gets up the anesthesia hits her like a ton of bricks. When she comes to she realizes this is not a dream but her new reality another cross to bear. There are no visible physical scars, but the emotional scars are forever implanted in her memory banks. She prays to God and repents for doing the inevitable. She knows He died for her sins past, present and future, but she know ‘s “this belief” may take a while to sink in. 
